Sunday, January 16, 2011

Going Crazy

I think the residents of my house are going a little batty. Here's why: Ryan has been in Texas on a business trip since Monday. He doesn't return until Friday...five more days. (Breathe. Just. Breathe.) The first few days are what I thought would be the hardest; I was wrong. Days one and two: Kirsten and I both cried a lot, when I cried, she would pat my cheeks with her sweet little hands and tell me, "Don't cry, Mommy, Daddy will be home soon." Which, of course, made me cry harder! To think that my child was the one comforting me instead of me comforting her... Ryan being gone has been so hard on all three of us. We are so close-knit and have never been apart more than 72 hrs since Ryan and I started dating 5 years ago this month. Oddly, each day that goes by gets harder. Kirsten gets crankier and begs for Ryan to come home (who can blame her?!) which makes me crankier because I am trying to reason with a three-year-old. Reasoning with a pre-schooler is NEVER successful. Ever. Bribes (candy, snacks, a special toy, etc) only work for so long. lol Today my heart broke when I picked Kirsten up from the church nursery and she ran to the sanctuary screaming, "DADDY, DADDY, DADDY!!!" in excitement. Having to remind her that Daddy wasn't here wasn't fun. Her little face dropped, but the tears were abated when she saw her best friend, Izzy. *Whew!* Crisis averted. The dog and cat miss Ryan, too. For the first three nights, the dog slept by the front door and the cat was posted at the front window staring out of it. I assume they were waiting for him to come through the door. They have since taken up their normal space in the bed with me, but they both get up and wander downstairs a lot in the middle of the night. I feel bad for my sweet husband; here I am with our daughter to cuddle and hug when I cry, but he only has his work friends who miss their families, too.
I know I've rambled a lot...kudos if you've gotten this far. lol

1 comment:

  1. Hey Jocelyn—Just happened to come across your post today. I am so sorry for the hard time you are having, but perhaps it can help you feel what single mothers go through every day. It took me well over a year to not feel a constant state of almost physical illness about being alone and my kids being alone. Even still, there are moments where I have had to leave church or get-togethers because the grief is so overwhelming. I hope you can use your newfound insight to help a single mama in your life!

    God bless you and Ryan!